They’re On To Us!
“Madcap” and Teofilo de Jesus have, with their awesome rhetorical stylings and masterful wielding of Voegelin’s cutting-edge political ideologies, managed to uncover the TRUE PLANS of the Gnosticks! They’ve cut through our disguises; we’re obviously not a few thousand peace-loving, church going religionists, we’re actually the VANGUARD of the IMMANENT ESCHATON, taking up the causes of Nietzsche and Marx and conspiring to rid the world of the God-fearing, supplanting them with our own twisted version of reality. Since we’ve been so readily ferreted out, we can finally reveal….
THE MANIFESTO OF THE GRAND GNOSTICK KABAL OF DOOM
or
HOW TO IMMANENTIZE THE ESKATON IN FIVE SIMPLE STEPS
Preamble:
As GNOSTICK MASTERS, we HATE THE WORLD and all it stands for! We are ALIENATED, ISOLATED and DISSATISFIED with the CREATED WORLD! We understand that GOD is EVIL, and have a DUTY to rectify the ERRORS of GOD by bringing about HEAVEN ON EARTH! All we need to do so is to OVERTHROW the GOVERNMENTS OF THE WORLD by INSINUATING OURSELVES INTO THEM via the pernicious tools of LIBERALISM, EXISTENTIALISM and COMMUNISM!
1. Our feelings of OVERWHELMING ALIENATION from the world must drive us to NEW LEVELS OF HATRED. With this hatred, we can turn mankind against himself by claiming his superiority to GOD and his ABILITY to BECOME GOD! Thus will we seduce representatives of worldly institutions, beginning with the GODLESS SCHOLASTICS! Pagels, Bloom, Williams and Ehrman will PLANT THE SEEDS of GNOSIS in the minds of popular culture, allowing the tendrils of our dark political movement to take hold!
2. We must EMBRACE POLITICAL ANARCHY and ESTABLISH SECULAR GNOSTICISM! Only IGNORANT FOOLS who are not privvy to our SECRET KNOWLEDGE think that Gnosticism is a MERE RELIGIOUS MOVEMENT. TRULY, it is a VERSATILE MOVEMENT, chameleon-like and TRICKY! We will work tirelessly, casting down the IDOLS of our ENEMIES and encouraging the secret supplantation of the works of our EXISTENTIALIST and COMMUNIST BRETHREN from grade schools to the HALLS OF CONGRESS! GNIETZSCHE FOR GNEWBORNS must be our rallying cry! We will not rest until EVERY LAST SENATOR, and EVERY LAST REPRESENTATIVE are tuned into the insidious culture of LIBERALISM!
3. We will FLOOD THE STREETS with our BRAIN-DEAD SOLDIERS, who are only too glad to DESTROY their WORTHLESS BODIES FOR OUR CAUSE! We will DIRECT OUR TERRORIST MINIONS FORWARD under the guise of ISLAMOFACISM, really just an OFFSHOOT of GNOSTIC EXISTENTIALISM. The ISLAMOFASCIST HATRED of the WORLD is evidence that when a so-called ISLAMIC TERRORIST commits an atrocity, he is simply following the orders of his GNOSTIC MASTERS.
4. Meanwhile, our SECRET CABAL of ELITE GNOSTIC MASTERS will ENACT INSIDIOUS MACHINATIONS through that most wretched social movement: Environmentalism! THERE IS A REASON THAT THE NAME “GORE” STARTS WITH THE LETTER “G!”
5. FINALLY, our most evil creature, the GNOSTIC PRIESTESS HILLARY CLINTON will RISE on the TIDE OF ALIENATION, swooping into the U.S. PRESIDENCY in 2008, bringing with her a NEW ERA OF SECULAR GNOSTIC EXISTENTIALIST ISLAMO-FEMINISM! Our PLATONIC AIMS WILL THEN BE COMPLETE! We’ll OUTLAW CHRISTIANITY, paint the WHITE HOUSE BLACK, institute a 90% INCOME TAX so that HARD WORKING AMERICANS will have to pay to support FREELOADERS!
The DARKNESS BECKONS… JOIN US!!!
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Etc., etc.
MUA HA HA HA HAAA!!!!
